The weirdest thing ever
by RubberDuckie and Froggie
Summary: This is based off of the episode with all the hookers! xD Crazist crud I've ever written. I couldn't find a good enough ending. Don't hate mailme, I know it is stupid. Crackfic CraigClyde. READ THIS


Maybe it was because where he was sitting, or the fact he was even playing the game at all. But at the party with all the little girls dressed up in whore outfits, the bottle landed on him. He looked up at the person who spun the glass container in complete shock. "N-no, I want a do-over!" Craig shouted, utterly rejecting the thought of kissing Clyde. Well, would you want to kiss a Clyde?

Craig certainly made his point that he did not. Clyde was frozen in some sort of crazy shock that only happens once, or maybe five times in a lifetime. (Mostly because he lives in such a hellish town) The Skank-Whores laughed at Craig, and simply said, "You gotta kiss 'im." mostly because this fanfic would suck without it. Clyde looked up at Craig, who was still fighting hard not to kiss his assumed best friend. "Noo! No!" The brown haired boy finally came to his senses. His nasally voice shouted, his arms wailed. He was spazzing out, poor guy.

All hope was lost fangirls (and boys) untill Red stood up from her seat; in a dramatic way, the way only whores can do. She grabbed Craig by his hat, and seeing as you, 'Don't mess with Craig's hat!' his head magicaly followed as iff attacted. "Hey!" His slightly deeper nasal voice exclaimed. Red with all her freakishly manly force, crashed Craig's face into Clyde's. Who's hands automaticly latched onto his shoulders, trying to keep his lips from touching Clyde's. No, don't sit here and act like Clyde didn't try to fight it too.

Because he did! His tears proved his point that girls were mean beings that should only be looked at. Clyde's nose was smashed when Red did the pushing, and the crashing. (Before I go and ruin yaoi people's dreams)

Clyde blinked as he felt his face being warmed from the rushing blood, that was coming from every square inch of his body.

Craig, being someone who never really liked girls, enjoyed it. Woah! Did Craig just enjoy kissing a dude?

When Red let go of her manly-evil grip she, smiled and stated; "Yep, they're gay." As quickly as she dropped his hat was as quickly as Craig and Clyde's lips we unlocked. Somewhere across the room, which had fell silent because of the whole thing; shouted everyone's favorite akward British boy. "Holy Jesus Christ, did you just see that?! Those gentlemen just kissed!" Well, if it wasn't for the fact that Pip wasn't nearly being raped; he would have gotten smacked. Besides, whores dig those Brits.

Red ran off as soon as she saw Stan. (Poor Stan, Kyle,-- I mean April will save you!) The party was ended shortly after, only leaving Craig and Clyde to silently stare at each other. In the background you could hear a small Un-Whore girl shouting, "GIT YER FUCKIN MITS OFF MY PIP!" followed by the sounds of punching and screams of, "STAY AWAY FROM MY DAMN JEW!" Also, you could hear "Oh, thank God, Multi!" from a British accent. Maybe even a faint, "APRIL, YOU'VE CAME FOR ME!"  
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It was a few days after the kiss and Craig was laying in his small bed, thinking it over. 'I am not gay, because if I were I would have known it before now.' He calmly and racialy sorted it out in his mature brain. He decided that he would insult the female race every chance he got. How dare those skankbitchs take away his manhood and first kiss?! It was decided, Clyde was going to get his fucking ass beat, tomorrow! Wrong word choice.

Clyde was crying to his mother, still complaining how horrible it was. "Mo-oom, and there was another girl holding me ba-aaa-ck!" He sobbed into his Mother's shirt, who was hugging him tightly. "Clyde, we need you to be a big boy. And go to school tomorrow." Clyde was so scared and shaken up, he missed a whole day of whole! That's like, a year in South Park time. (Seeing as nothing EVER changes there.) This only cause Clyde to burst out into even more tears. "MOM, THEY'RE GONNA KICK MY ASS TOMORROW!" He shouted, seriously forgetting that he was the only one in that kiss. At this point his Mother was so sick of him, she forced him off of her waist.

After a stern talk from Clyde's Father, he was sent off into the big school. Craig went to school ready to ram a fist in the mouth that touched his, and bitch-slap Red. Seeing as the Ex-Whore's stop was right after his, he made one of his flunkies hold his backpack. Normally, he would command Clyde to do something like that. But, he was a no-good kisser takerer. So, he threw it at the girl who watched Red Racer with him every day. "Multi, catch my back-pack!" He shouted, to the one known as Multi.

Who was sitting between Pip, and Tweek. "And don't let Frenchie touch it!" Which wasn't very nice in Pip's point of view, but this isn't his story. Craig waited in the front seat, and waited. When the bus stopped, Craig glared the Red Head know as, "Bertha, Rebecca, or Becky." 'You're dead' is what he tried to send her brain waves of. Which is basicly staring at her angerly, and she couldn't hear it. Maybe it was because she was a girl, OR she can't read minds.

I'm not saying she can or could not, I'm saying she didn't get it. "Why are you staring at me, fag?" Craig growled, only bringing the hopes up of some ADD Blonde two seats down. "Gah! O-oh Jesus, Cr-Cr-Craig's gay?!" Tweek asked to Token with a flustered face. "I dunno, man." Token stated, as he pushed a random 3rd grader off of him. "I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU ANY OF MY MONEY!" "God, be any louder, Token!" April shouted from her bus seat. "April, be can't have big roles in this fanfic!" The two butted into my writing of my one-shot. "Oh, shit! That's right, we can't take up all the attention in this one!" April nodded, letting the South Park world reclose the Fourth Wall.

"Oh! Too much pressure!! GAH EERH ARGH!" Tweek was either having a panick attack or Gnomes were trailing behind the bus. No one was brave enough to check in the back.

Now, we've all have been wondering: Where's the slash?! Why isn't this girl who's writing this being serious?! Well, shut up and let me tell this story, gosh darnit.

Anyways, after The New bus driver pulled over, picking up the last kids. Who just so happened to be, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman. Who waddled into their bus seats; only to be pulled out because they were the prime suspects of a Doughnut robbery. "Goddamnit, Cartman! Why the fuck would you get us in this too?!" Stan roared, as he was cuffed. "Becauze me and Kiinny were hungary!" Cartman's fat kinda throws off his speach, doesn't it? "Mmmf, mhhf, mghf, mmfgh!" Which is in English: "I regret nothing!" Kenny exclaimed happily as they were pulled out. "Damnit, you assholes!" Kyle shouted, causing such a sceane!

Clyde was driven to school that day, to pull up to Craig bitch-slapping Red in the school ward. Which was normal because the whole "Whore" thing was still going on. "I'M SORRY, DADDY!" She shouted, giving him all her lunch money. Craig, being Craig was sent to (However his damn name is spelt). "Slappin' girls is wrong, mmkay?" Craig flicked him off, he didn't mean to. It was just because, Craig has a problem.

"Now, why are you so mad at Red? It's okay to tell me, mmkay?" After one long talk, the large head male laughed at Craig. "Hahaha....Let's go get Clyde..Hahaha--Mmmkay?" Craig wasn't one to get mad, easily. Unless it hurt his honor. Like talking about his pet, or blaiming someone else for lice! (Wrong time period)

Clyde was pulled into the office, and sorta; whined when he saw Craig. Clyde was not a girl, like Red so he could hear the threating things being thought in Craig's head....  
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Clyde wasn't simply crying because he was held back by a whore, who was suppose to please him. Oh, no; Clyde was crying because he enjoyed the kiss (Big shocker) He couldn't face his Boss, Leader, Commander, if Clyde was his Right-Hand-Man, Craig was his Left Side Brain. Clyde was the Co-Leader of "Craig and those guys." He was sure, that his title, the person he considered his Bffl, were all gone. Just because girls wanted to see alittle yaoi as the fucked everyone who was silly enough to go to that party.

The kiss, and maybe why he was so in shock, because the thought wizzed across his brain earlier. Haven't you, for a second thought of kissing your best friend? It wasn't like Clyde thought about it everyday. Or, if he had some problem to confuss to him. Oh God no. Clyde wasn't gay, no-no-no.

Tweek, kinda was. Tweek, being the one who fought Craig, then tried to jitter his way into Craig's confused heart. Giving him a camera for his birthday; and what not. Clyde wasn't jealous. 'Course not. This was a lie. 'Oh Goo-o-d! Why me?!' Clyde cried into his pillow that night, seeing as he automaticly didn't let anything to dare touch his lips. Clyde was going to go up to Craig, who was his boss and tell him, "You're a fag!" because, he was the one ignoring Clyde! And Clyde doesn't take too kindly to those ignoring types.

Clyde deicided, by pumping his chubby fist in the air. He wobbled to his phone, which is the way all the children walked in South Park. Isn't it odd? How they walk? Anyways, he punched in the numbers. He heard Craig's Mother yell at his Father with the Mouth piece covered. "Hello?" asked, faking her voice. "Uh, yes; is Craig there?" Clyde's nasally voice asked. "Yes, -- DON'T FLICK ME OFF!" yelled, as she screamed out "Craig!! Clyde wants yoou!"

Show time! Both Craig and Clyde wanted to say a few words to each other. "Craig? I want to tell you something." And being that everyone ('Cept Cartman) has the odd need to apologize after fights; Craig rudely butted in. "I'm sorry dude, it was my first kiss and all. I didn't mean to call you a "Faggot" and that other stuff, or punch you." Clyde did fight back, again! "Oh, thanks. I'm sorry I called you a "Bus fucker", and kicked you." Weird how their friendship works out. "Yeah, I wanted to tell you something though." Craig was quite happy to have his Side Kick, Right Hand Man, Cheese to his Mac, Fat Kid to his cake. (Yes, that is a play on words)

"Dude, the people who are reading this fic want some slash, so let's just get all fluffy." Craig stated, sighing. Clyde's heart soared as he jumped out of his window; losing his sanity for a moment.

Craig hung up the phone, and got high off of air. Or was tha cough syrp? It doesn't matter, because next thing he knows he has a boyfriend.


End file.
